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Friends?

It started small.
Even I didn't noticed.
It was hard to say when it was started.

I am blessed.

And as all blessing people, I forgot it was a blessing.
That someone else might searching for it but can't have it.

It came to me.
Not easy.
We worked on some issues.
But, at the end, it worked out.

Then..

One day..

Something happened..

.
.
.
.
.

I happened..

.
.
.
.


It was confusing.
It was unfamiliar.
It was not making any sense of what is happening..

How came something familiar became stranger?
How can comfort became awkward?
How came when there was something and then it's not?

Then..
I admit..

I changed..


I am blessed with friends.
We might not close, but they all friends indeed.

Then, I am making new friends.
Try to suit in a new environment.
Finding new drama.
Try to fit in the community.
Try to be strong, although it just a facade.

Little did i know..

Now, I am hurting a lot of people.
Just because I want to protect my heart.

I ignore.
I took for granted.
I even convince myself that it will always be there.
Like always..

Later than I realised..
When I am changing, I am changing everything.

My way personality.
My communication.
My defend.
My shield.

It hurt for me when I realise how far I am changing..

  1. How can I feel uncomfortable talking with my childhood friend just because we suddenly met at the public place? It was my childhood friend. The one defend me on my weaknesses. The one that always reach out for me when I keep drifting apart. What time has do to me?
  2. How I can take it for granted for all the warmness that all this time coming to me. I know what I did was hurting her. But I was to stubborn to turn back. Now, I just let it just like that?
  3. At first I feel hatred. But how can you hate someone that already like your family? There is no way the anger remain for a long time. Then I turn into ignorant. Just because I can't handle the situation.






I realised it was worse when I am asking this question :

Between us nothing changed.
I am the one changed.
I am the one who didn't make an effort.



I don't want to move on T_T

But I changed. T_T


I wonder if best friends will be like Facebook or Instagram?
When you remove the person in Facebook, you also will be removed in their life.
For Instagram, when you unfollow the person, it is up to them to unfollow you.



p/s : Let rename the blog : The story of depression girl.



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